Lessons from Year One

Well, hello world. It seems like forever since I've written anything. Even though I love writing, life always seems to run away with me. Fortunately, a wonderful life event has brought me back to my computer to share a momentous occasion with you.

Monday, May 20, my husband and I celebrated our first anniversary! Aaron, being the amazing man that he is, planned a whole weekend of first anniversary festivities. Now, don't think we went and spent ourselves into a frenzy. My husband and I live on a very slim budget. I'm talking about the Weight Watchers, counting every penny like a calorie, kind of budget. I believe this past weekend God blessed us through various family connections, local promotions, and unexpected gifts. We spent the weekend in a little cabin right on Lake Huron. It was the perfect rustic getaway. We were able to enjoy the beach, boat on the water, and explore the town. On the actual day of our anniversary, we stayed in a gorgeous hotel in Detroit. That was absolutely fabulous, because I love being pampered. I am a woman after all. On top of all that, my husband spoiled me with lots of coffee and the beautiful gift of not cooking - all weekend long. It was incredible. I am so grateful for the beautiful memories that we made and all the people God used to make it happen.

It's crazy to think that an entire year has already past. A year ago, it felt as if time was moving in slow motion as I awaited my wedding day. This year, time has passed me by in a whirlwind. The past twelve months have been filled with up's, down's, in's, out's, and lots of turn-around's. In sentimental moments, like our anniversary, I have a tendency to become exceedingly nostalgic. Plus, I like to look back at seasons in my life to process what happened and learn from the past. As I sat discussing the previous year with Aaron, he helped me uncover a lot of lessons I've learned. I am here to share some of the most important ones with you.

LESSON 1: This is just the beginning, and the best is yet to come.
We live in a culture steeped with the idea that the wedding day is the ultimate goal. Disney princess movies all lead up to the happily-ever-after ending that comes with finding Prince Charming. Shows, like The Bachelor, are centralized around the idea that we reach the pinnacle of our lives once we find love. To top it off, we idolize celebrity weddings on Bravo, and plan every detail of our weddings on Pinterest. I'm not trying to say these things are bad; I have thoroughly enjoyed several of them. What I am saying is that they all preach the same message - the wedding day is the final goal. How many chick-flicks have you watched about romance after the wedding? It's easy to let our desire to put on that white dress morph into our primary objective. Before my wedding, part of me had come to believe this cultural norm. Last year, my mom wrote in a card, "the best really is yet to come," and those words opened my eyes. What I've learned this year is that there is so much more after the wedding day. All this hype that our culture teaches shouldn't be about a wedding, it should be about a marriage. The wedding day is just the beginning. It's a celebration of the new life you are committing to with one person. Once the celebration is over, it is the marriage that continues. It's the marriage that lives on and shapes the rest of your journey. There is so much more beyond the wedding day, and I am excited to discover all that includes with my husband. A year ago, I didn't reach the pinnacle of my life; I started out on a new journey with a man I am committed to until death. This new life is just the beginning, and I can't wait to see what's ahead.

LESSON 2: Prayers are more powerful than words.
Sometimes Aaron needs to hear truth, whether it is in the form of encouragement or confrontation. Being the person closest to him, I often witness when we needs that truth. However, I made the mistake in thinking he needed to hear my words. He never needed my words; he needed God's words. Now, there have been times God has spoken His truth through me, but it hasn't always happened that way. On several occasions, I thought my words of truth were so powerful and that, if he heard them, everything would be better. What I quickly learned is that my words are nothing unless they are directed by God. It is only my pride that thinks my words are so powerful. More often than not, Aaron needs my prayers more than my words, and any words I want to speak, should first be brought to God in prayer. Prayer affects change. Without fail, every time I have gotten down on my knees to pray for Aaron, I have seen change take place because God is at work. Transformation is not it my hands, it's in God's hands. God uses a variety of avenues to speak truth to Aaron. I am honored and humbled whenever He chooses to use me. God has called me to pray for my husband, but it is always He who answers.

LESSON 3: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
I think that no matter what age, season, or place you are in, you will always encounter hard times. Being in our first year of marriage, Aaron and I have come across a lot of life events that we've never experienced before, and not all of those have been pretty. As the common saying goes, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." This quote is commonly used, but, this year, I learned a new aspect of this truth. Making lemonade out of lemons isn't just about what you do, but it's about your heart. There were several times that my husband tried to "make lemonade." I would grudgingly go along with the idea because it seemed like the best option. What I didn't realize was that just because I was making lemonade outwardly, did not mean I was making lemonade inwardly. I would let my emotions overwhelm me and control my perspective on the situation. As a result, every batch of lemonade was mixed with the bitter taste of anger, disappointment, or frustration. All I did was add salt instead of sugar to create a bitter drink deceptively disguised as lemonade. When I let my emotions take control, I miss out on opportunities to enjoy life and taint new memories with negativity. Instead of letting my emotions control me, I need to control my emotions. That way, Aaron and I can look back on those hard times and not only remember the memories we made, but how we overcame the obstacles. All that to say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade," but don't forget to add the sugar.

Letters to Someone...

Over the past several weeks, I have unknowingly begun a blog series. I may not even call it a blog series. It's really more of a blog continuation. At this point, I'm not sure when or if this will end. It's still developing. This may become another permanent addition to my blog because this is something that I am passionate about sharing with all of you.

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For a long time now, I have struggled with what to write. I always feel pressured to write about DIY's, tips, and how-to's, none of which I am overly devoted to. Thankfully, my husband graciously pointed out to me that, more often than not, I write what I think people want to hear, not what is on my heart to share. At first I was frustrated when I realized this, because I don't want to waste my time writing about things that aren't important to me. If I'm going to spend time blogging, it's going to be because I am passionate about what I'm writing.

After hearing my husband's confrontation, I sat down and wrote one of my favorite posts, To the Dreamer. It was written as a letter from me to all the other dreamers out there. Once I published it, I realized that I have several different letters that I want to write. Not long after that, I wrote another post, To the Perfectionist. While writing these letters, I discovered there are so many words of encouragement and wisdom that I want to share with particular groups of people. Each of these words come straight from my heart, and I am passionate about sharing and sending them. That's when I realized that I want to add a new piece to my blog, and I have decided to call this, Letters to Someone.

Letters to Someone will be a series of letters for all different types of people in all different walks of life. I am going to share what's on my heart with all of you through these letters. I pray that all my letters will be sent to the correct address, and I don't receive any that are stamped with "return to sender." Be on the lookout, because the next letter I write may be for you to open.

To the Perfectionist...

"At its root, perfectionism isn't really about a deep love of being meticulous. It's about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success." - Michael Law

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If you are at all like me, you feel a constant desire to be excellent, but sometimes that desire becomes overwhelming. As time passes, you find yourself with an exorbitant need to surpass excellence and reach for perfection. Next thing you know, you struggle to find the perfect solution to every problem and to always do the right thing. You try to perfect yourself before committing to anything and feel utterly exposed if someone finds a flaw. Finally, you realize your excessive drive for excellence has long been overshadowed by a drive for perfection. I never realized I had become a perfectionist until someone stopped and said it blankly to my face. I have heard people call it by many different names - over achieving, meticulous, or "doing it right." For some reason, the idea of calling perfectionism by a another name keeps us from feeling guilty for committing it. Perfectionism hides itself in my different crevices - appearance, school, work, relationships, motherhood, and home making - but no matter how it surfaces, we are afraid to point it out. We don't want to admit that something has more control over our lives than we do.

Perfectionism is a cruel master. No matter how hard you try, perfectionism is never satisfied, and it continues to ask for more. You become easily enslaved to its ever-changing laws and expectations. It's a constant whiplash across your back leaving wounds and scares to remind you of your imperfections. Every day, it tells you that you'll never be good enough.
Perfectionism is driven by fear, not excellence. The perfectionist is afraid to fail, to succeed, to be vulnerable, to be real; the list goes on. I think the worst part is that it holds you back from achieving all you're called to do. Perfectionism keeps you chained to the idea that you can attain the impossible. Instead of living in the freedom of being you, you keep beating yourself to try and be something you can never become.

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I think it's important to point out that perfection, at least in this world, doesn't actually exist. Every time we strive to be perfect, we fail. It's an impossible task. In a strange way, trying to be perfect is really just another  way of punishing ourselves. In some cases, I think people enjoying being perfectionists. By being a perfectionist, you are able to admit your shortcomings and point out your flaws before anyone else does. It secludes you from the truth others have to offer and protects you from feeling you are a failure to others. You always disappoint yourself before anyone else can feel disappointed. For some reason, we believe it would be better to scold ourselves then to hear loving correction from a friend or family member.

As often as you hide from correction, you also seclude yourself from receiving encouragement.

I often let my struggle for perfection keep me from accomplishing anything. It could be that I don't want to turn in an assignment, make a recipe, volunteer at my church, or encourage a friend. Even now, as I'm writing this blog, I'm wondering if I'm communicating well, using proper grammar, or if I should even post this. Instead of trying to do something, I end up doing nothing. Don't let perfectionism keep you from achieving that which you love and were created to do. I've learned, often the hard way, that it's better to run the race than not start at all. Which is better, to finish the race in fifth place or to never cross the starting line? If you do run the race, don't make perfection the motivation. If perfection is the goal of running, it will steal away the joy of finishing. As long as you give it your best, it doesn't matter if you finish in first place. You can't wait to become perfect. If you do, you will never go anywhere.

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Stop believing the lies perfectionism tells you.

I know the lies are hard to ignore. You constantly hear you're not good enough, you won't amount to anything, you'll never accomplish your dreams, no one will like you, and no one will ever appreciate your work. If you believe the lies perfectionism tells you, you will become its slave. The only person expecting you to be perfect is you. Don't serve your perfectionist ideals. No one is perfect. We aren't a production line of unblemished people who can be recalled and returned because of a flaw. We are all created to be different. We are all unique individuals because of our strengths and our mistakes. Don't let the pursuit of perfectionism destroy who you are and what you were created for. If you do, you rob us all from enjoying the unique individual that you are.

Everyone can try to be perfect, but you are the only one who can be you.

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities  For when I am weak, then I am strong."

- II Corinthians 12:9-10 (ESV)

To the Dreamer...

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

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Have you ever had a dream? I know that I have, and I still do. I'm not just talking about random inspirational fantasies. As a child, I had a lot of those. One day I wanted to be a famous tap dancer, and the next I wanted to be a scientist. If you look back through your childhood, I'm sure that you can find a time that you wanted to be a ballerina, an astronaut, or a race car driver. But I'm not talking about those dreams.

I'm talking about the dreams that bring life to a calling deep inside of you.

Dreams that grip your heart and dig talons so deep that to remove them would leave scars disfiguring you forever. Maybe your dream is to start a bakery. Maybe you dream of being a recording artist, a lawyer, or a school teacher. It could be you dream of being a mother or finally achieving world peace. I dream of a family, training leaders, and restoring cities.

The past several weeks I've been thinking a lot about dreams. Dreams are a vital part of life that feed the soul and fuel your passions. Dreams don't just give you something to wish for, they give you a purpose. In a way, they define you. I wouldn't say they are your identity, but dreams do say something about who you are. They have a unique way of telling people what you stand for. More importantly, dreams remind yourself what you were made for; they bring your calling to the surface.

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As wonderful as dreams are, dreams are tough. They are alluringly described in so many picturesque movies and poetic songs, but none of those stories seem to capture the difficulties of a dream. It's important to remember that there is always someone or something out there ready to drive your dream to ruin. Dreams don't just happen. They take patience, hard work, courage, tenacity, and faith. You have to fight for your dream. Because hard times come, people often forget their dreams and lose sight of who they are. Those without dreams become wandering and aimless souls who search for a place to call home.

No matter what happens, don't give up. If you do, the consequences of quitting are much more severe than the struggles of continuing.

The trials you face will not be easy, but you can conquer them. As long as you press on, you will have the passion and purpose of your dream to give you strength to push forward. Eventually, you will see your dream rise like the sun over the horizon, and it will all be worth it. The moment you give up, you sentence yourself to wander meaningless in the dark. Confusion and loneliness become your only allies.  

The trials you experience are growth for the dream you are hoping for. Preparation can be painful, and it usually isn't very fun, but it's necessary to succeed. Just like an athlete trains for a race, this is your training. A runner can't compete in a marathon without going through the pain of preparing first. Without the training and growth, you will never reach the starting line. Embrace your struggles as best you can because those struggles will give you the endurance you need to finish the race.

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Once you cross that starting line, don't be discouraged if your dream doesn't happen exactly the way you imagined. Over time, things evolve and situations change. The exact details of your dream may unfold differently than you originally planned, but that doesn't mean your dream has changed. Despite all the specifics, the skeleton of your dream is still the same. Enjoy your dream for the beautiful masterpiece that it has become. 

My last word to you is this; No matter what anyone says, your dream makes a difference. Your actions and achievements have an influence on the world and people around you whether it be for better or for worse.

It is up to you to decide what kind of difference your dream will make.

"Therefore we do not lost heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

- II Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)