Lessons from Year One

Well, hello world. It seems like forever since I've written anything. Even though I love writing, life always seems to run away with me. Fortunately, a wonderful life event has brought me back to my computer to share a momentous occasion with you.

Monday, May 20, my husband and I celebrated our first anniversary! Aaron, being the amazing man that he is, planned a whole weekend of first anniversary festivities. Now, don't think we went and spent ourselves into a frenzy. My husband and I live on a very slim budget. I'm talking about the Weight Watchers, counting every penny like a calorie, kind of budget. I believe this past weekend God blessed us through various family connections, local promotions, and unexpected gifts. We spent the weekend in a little cabin right on Lake Huron. It was the perfect rustic getaway. We were able to enjoy the beach, boat on the water, and explore the town. On the actual day of our anniversary, we stayed in a gorgeous hotel in Detroit. That was absolutely fabulous, because I love being pampered. I am a woman after all. On top of all that, my husband spoiled me with lots of coffee and the beautiful gift of not cooking - all weekend long. It was incredible. I am so grateful for the beautiful memories that we made and all the people God used to make it happen.

It's crazy to think that an entire year has already past. A year ago, it felt as if time was moving in slow motion as I awaited my wedding day. This year, time has passed me by in a whirlwind. The past twelve months have been filled with up's, down's, in's, out's, and lots of turn-around's. In sentimental moments, like our anniversary, I have a tendency to become exceedingly nostalgic. Plus, I like to look back at seasons in my life to process what happened and learn from the past. As I sat discussing the previous year with Aaron, he helped me uncover a lot of lessons I've learned. I am here to share some of the most important ones with you.

LESSON 1: This is just the beginning, and the best is yet to come.
We live in a culture steeped with the idea that the wedding day is the ultimate goal. Disney princess movies all lead up to the happily-ever-after ending that comes with finding Prince Charming. Shows, like The Bachelor, are centralized around the idea that we reach the pinnacle of our lives once we find love. To top it off, we idolize celebrity weddings on Bravo, and plan every detail of our weddings on Pinterest. I'm not trying to say these things are bad; I have thoroughly enjoyed several of them. What I am saying is that they all preach the same message - the wedding day is the final goal. How many chick-flicks have you watched about romance after the wedding? It's easy to let our desire to put on that white dress morph into our primary objective. Before my wedding, part of me had come to believe this cultural norm. Last year, my mom wrote in a card, "the best really is yet to come," and those words opened my eyes. What I've learned this year is that there is so much more after the wedding day. All this hype that our culture teaches shouldn't be about a wedding, it should be about a marriage. The wedding day is just the beginning. It's a celebration of the new life you are committing to with one person. Once the celebration is over, it is the marriage that continues. It's the marriage that lives on and shapes the rest of your journey. There is so much more beyond the wedding day, and I am excited to discover all that includes with my husband. A year ago, I didn't reach the pinnacle of my life; I started out on a new journey with a man I am committed to until death. This new life is just the beginning, and I can't wait to see what's ahead.

LESSON 2: Prayers are more powerful than words.
Sometimes Aaron needs to hear truth, whether it is in the form of encouragement or confrontation. Being the person closest to him, I often witness when we needs that truth. However, I made the mistake in thinking he needed to hear my words. He never needed my words; he needed God's words. Now, there have been times God has spoken His truth through me, but it hasn't always happened that way. On several occasions, I thought my words of truth were so powerful and that, if he heard them, everything would be better. What I quickly learned is that my words are nothing unless they are directed by God. It is only my pride that thinks my words are so powerful. More often than not, Aaron needs my prayers more than my words, and any words I want to speak, should first be brought to God in prayer. Prayer affects change. Without fail, every time I have gotten down on my knees to pray for Aaron, I have seen change take place because God is at work. Transformation is not it my hands, it's in God's hands. God uses a variety of avenues to speak truth to Aaron. I am honored and humbled whenever He chooses to use me. God has called me to pray for my husband, but it is always He who answers.

LESSON 3: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
I think that no matter what age, season, or place you are in, you will always encounter hard times. Being in our first year of marriage, Aaron and I have come across a lot of life events that we've never experienced before, and not all of those have been pretty. As the common saying goes, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." This quote is commonly used, but, this year, I learned a new aspect of this truth. Making lemonade out of lemons isn't just about what you do, but it's about your heart. There were several times that my husband tried to "make lemonade." I would grudgingly go along with the idea because it seemed like the best option. What I didn't realize was that just because I was making lemonade outwardly, did not mean I was making lemonade inwardly. I would let my emotions overwhelm me and control my perspective on the situation. As a result, every batch of lemonade was mixed with the bitter taste of anger, disappointment, or frustration. All I did was add salt instead of sugar to create a bitter drink deceptively disguised as lemonade. When I let my emotions take control, I miss out on opportunities to enjoy life and taint new memories with negativity. Instead of letting my emotions control me, I need to control my emotions. That way, Aaron and I can look back on those hard times and not only remember the memories we made, but how we overcame the obstacles. All that to say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade," but don't forget to add the sugar.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

"The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now." - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Over the years, friends, women, and even men, have come to me with questions about relationships. It is only natural for us to look for advice about love. Romance is a central part of our lives. Nearly everyone, including myself, has experienced some sort of confusion, problem, or heart ache over a relationship. I was recently reminded of a piece advice that I often give women. I decided that I would write about it because I think it's something that every woman ought to know when considering a romantic relationship.

Never go emotionally where you haven't been led.

Let me try and explain this to you. We, as women, are emotional beings. We are the ones who cry at sappy movies, take pity on helpless children, get angry when guys purposefully hurt animals, and close our eyes at gory scenes. I am in no way saying that we are weak; I think our emotion is often what makes us strong. Obviously, men have emotions too, but, in general, women are the ones who experience emotion more readily and deeply. The same is true when we are looking for a boyfriend or husband.

I have witnessed countless situations in which a girl really likes a guy. She thinks he is the most wonderful man in the world, adores his big eyes, knows she has finally witnessed a physical example of the Greek gods, and is convinced that the two of them should be listed as "in a relationship" on Facebook. Next thing you know, she is reporting several situations that have occurred confirming her suspicions that the feelings are mutual. For some reason or another, the glance of his eyes, the tone in his voice, the way he leaned in at the table, the particular question he asked her, must mean he loves her.Well, I hate to bust your bubble, but that is not necessarily true. He might not actually love you in the way you are convinced he does.

I want to point out three common possibilities. First, this guy is a player and he is emotionally manipulating you. Second, the guy that you have fallen so hard over does not, in reality, have any romantic feelings towards you. He only considers you a friend. The third possibility is that he really is crushing on you, but he is not ready to move into a relationship, so he keeps his distance.

This is the point in which we women often step in and make this whole relationship process very difficult for ourselves. Women have a tendency to analyze everything, especially in relationships. When you like a guy, you start analyzing everything he does and says. It's as if you are trying to muster up something to prove he likes you back. Well, let me tell you something, the only person you are trying to prove his intentions to is yourself. No one else is trying to figure it out. Yes, your friends will indulge your fantasies, but when you're not around, they don't think about it. The more and more you try to analyze if he likes you, the more and more you become emotionally connected to him. As your emotional attachment increases, so do your expectations about the relationship. The guy does or says the smallest thing, and, because you are looking for it, you interpret his actions as proof that he likes you.

Over time, you start to become discouraged about the whole thing. Your frustration is coming from your emotional attachment to a guy who has never given you any proof that he loves you. You have successfully allowed yourself to go emotionally where you have never been led. Maybe your relationship isn't Facebook official, but in your heart, you are dating the man. You are emotionally attached in a way that can only exist in a relationship. No wonder you're feeling frustrated; your heart and mind are living in a place that doesn't exist.

Instead of trying to analyze the situation and come up with proof that he likes you, just wait. I'm not saying you have to stop liking him, but that you should stop trying to move the relationship forward. If this guy likes you, he will make it clear to you, and you won't have to question or analyze his intentions. He will let you know when he is ready. Trust me, you don't want to get in a relationship with someone before he is ready. Until then, wait, be patient, and see what happens. If he doesn't like you, nothing will happen. Of course, that would be extremely disappointing, but at least you won't get yourself heartbroken because you allowed yourself to emotionally be in a relationship that doesn't exist. The other option is that he does like you, and he will eventually let you know. Maybe the relationship doesn't start when you want it to, but it will start when he is ready for it. You want to be in a relationship when you are both ready. If he does like you, you still need to be careful not to move emotionally where he has not taken you. Only allow yourself to go where he has clearly led you. Otherwise you will find yourself confused, frustrated, and irritated. Until then, be patient, use some self-control, and don't go emotionally where you haven't been led.

The Big Day

I thought that I would put up a post with some pictures of my wedding. I love sharing the experience of my wedding with anyone who wants to hear about it. Plus, it may help you get a better idea of who I am. I may be biased, but I think my wedding was absolutely beautiful. If you are getting married soon, maybe it will give you some good ideas! Of course, I have to thank our photographers at Irish Artistry for doing such a wonderful job with the pictures. My husband and I were SO blessed to have them at our wedding. If you want to see more of their work, check out their site at http://www.irishartistry.com/. They are worth a second look!

Here are some photos!

I bought a personalized hanger online. I'm so glad I did because it made the pictures so cute!

A friend of mine gave me this sweatshirt. It was from her mother's bridal boutique. It was perfect for getting ready on the big day!

Coming down the aisle and the groom's first look at the bride!

I love my bridesmaids bouquets. They turned out so well. The colors of the wedding were teal and dark purple with yellow accents, so the flowers really popped.

Since I chose matching dresses for the girls, I decided to give them some guidelines and let them pick their own shoes and jewelry. That way each girl could express some of her own taste in fashion. Plus, they would actually wear the shoes and jewelry again!

THE KISS!!

We had two ring bearers in the wedding. One an older boy and the other was a baby. In order to accommodate the baby, we had the older boy pull him in a wagon. We also placed the rings on a Bible instead of a pillow. Then we put the Bible in the baby's lap. It worked out perfectly and all the guests thought it was adorable.

In order to save some money, I decorated the unity candle myself. We bought some white candles on sale at Hobby Lobby. Then I traced our monogram on paper, cut out the letters, and then glued it on the candle with Modge Podge. I also bought the jewels from the scrapbook aisle, and they stayed on just fine.

Here is a picture we took with our parents - all the married couples kissing together.

I love these photos that our photographers got of us in the garden. They are so sweet. Each of the pictures really captures the natural light and the sweetness of the day.

  

The "I Do" on the bottom of my shoes was used as my something blue. It was a great detail that made for adorable pictures. I bought the "I Do" stickers at Hobby Lobby in the wedding aisle.

I really loved the boutonnieres that we had that day. We had a fantastic florist. For the groom we chose a purple dendrobium orchid, heather, and a little greenery wrapped in white ribbon. The heather flower was chosen of course because that's my name!

My husband really wanted to use his sunglasses in some of our pictures. I'm glad that we did because it added a bit of color and personality in our photos.

For pictures of the groomsmen, we took pictures at the capital building. It added a different feel for the pictures of the men. They all turned out really well. We also used fedoras in the photos for some fun.

Instead of the traditional tux, we chose gray suits for the men. We didn't want to do anything super traditional or formal, but we also didn't want the groomsmen to look overly casual. The gray suits made a happy medium. It ended up creating a more modern and relaxed look.

For the bridesmaids, I made these pretty parasols. They were so much fun to use. They definitely added a pop of color in the pictures! I bought the white parasols from Oriental Trading. I was able to get 12 of them for only $30. Once I got the parasols, I cut tissue paper in different sizes and put them on the parasols with Modge Podge.

For my parasol, I used silver tissue paper and some tissue paper with silver designs. That way I could have a parasol that was different then the others and still matched what I was wearing.

  

At the reception, my grandpa gave a toast with toast!

I love the centerpieces that we chose. We put them together ourselves and were able to do it for an affordable price. For the main piece, we used cylindrical vases and place clear stones on the bottom. Then we filled the vase with silk purple orchids and water and placed a floating candle on top. Underneath the vase, we put down two pieces of scrapbook paper, one a solid color and the other with a pattern. This added more color to the table. Then we sprinkled some flower petals and small gems on the paper and added some votives around the vase. The final product turned out beautiful!

I was so happy how all the flowers turned out for the wedding. The florist we chose did such a great job and was so helpful. In my bouquet, the main flowers I chose were casablanca lilies, purple iris, yellow freesia, and white heather. The stems were wrapped in white sheer ribbon, with silver braiding and small jewels on the braids. In the bridesmaids bouquets the main flowers were yellow Asiatic lilies, purple iris, and purple heather. Their bouquets were wrapped in white sheer ribbon. The style of the bouquets was different, modern, and really popped with color. 

Beside the gift table, we had old wedding photos of our immediate family. It added a personal touch to the reception decor.

Outside the reception, we had several lumanaires leading up to the entrance of the reception. We used mason jars and wrapped lace around them using Modge Podge.

For the guestbook, I made a book on Shutterfly using our engagement pictures. I am so glad I did this. It made the guest book much more personal. This is actually something that I want to keep and show friends when they come over.

This was one of the best decisions we made. We bought hundreds of glow sticks to use during the reception. It turned out to be such a great idea. Everyone LOVED it! The glow sticks really added to the party moved and were a fun way to get people on to the dance floor.